chapter 27: what do you do when you wake up feeling like shit?
advice I never don't need
What do you do when you wake up feeling like shit? Like, truly terrible?
Not just tired. Not “woke up on the wrong side of the bed” crabbiness. But that heavy, compressed feeling, where you tread through sludge with every step.
Sorry to start us off so bleak. Some days are just like that!
Case in point: last Sunday. Smushed into the ground (the couch), content to spend the day scrolling and idling away until Monday came and saved me.
But that’s not how someone with a new lease on life acts! New Madeleine doesn’t take bad days lying down — on the couch or otherwise.
The first step, always, is fresh air.
(Sometimes bribery is involved)
Once I’m outside, I feel 10% better. It’s enough to propel my legs forward, idly sipping as I try to enjoy the fall foliage. I claim to like living somewhere with four seasons, yet as soon as it starts getting dark at 6pm and the leaves turn yellow my mind can think only of spring, of what it would feel like to once again be fresh and new.
I’m out of breath walking to the park. What people don’t tell you about Park Slope: it’s actually one huge hill. A few months of an obsessive morning walking routine cured me of my hill-walking aversion, but on days when I’m treading through sludge, I feel like I need walking poles.
I make it to the park anyway! It feels like a colossal win.
Partially renewed from the dog- and people-watching, I go somewhere else that might make me happy: the bookstore.
The best part of going to a bookstore alone — of being alone in general, really — is that you get to do things on your own time. Nobody else cares if you only look at the new releases or if you want to spend 10 minutes picking out the perfect magazine to read in the bath.
I choose two books and two magazines. It’s obscenely expensive (why is everything so expensive?), but I mentally clock it as a “business expense.” I’ve been telling people I’m a writer, testing the way the words feel on my tongue. This is basically research, right?
I thought it would be more dramatic, the process of changing my identifier when people ask what I “do”. But nobody seems to care, which only redeems the notion that I should say whatever I want instead of getting lost in my head. Easier said than done, of course.
The magazine purchase also gets its funding from the research budget. We’ve been looking at apartments for what feels like years, initiating a process where I imagine our future life and then have my dreams shattered when it inevitably doesn’t work out. Apartment hunting is kind of like dating, and NYC is a heartbreaker. By now, my heart has been broken so many times that I’m jaded. Regardless, the newest copy of Architectural Digest is a must-buy.
I keep walking, walking, walking. Walking home with research materials in hand, walking to see another apartment, then walking home. If I keep moving, maybe I can outrun myself.
The best part: omniscient Thursday Madeleine scheduled a massage for Sunday Madeleine. As is always the case, I picked a place targeted towards a niche demographic that I’m not a part of. The other people in the waiting area are all pregnant, and my massage therapist looks confused that I skipped the pregnancy-related portion of the questionnaire. After accidentally selecting Brooklyn’s #1 geriatric doctor as my primary care physician, I’m not even surprised when things like this happen
I leave relaxed, slathered in oil. I am not off the cliff, but the edge feels far away, the sludge less thick.
Sometimes the bad days are not so bad, after all.
XOXO,
Madeleine
What do you do when you wake up feeling terrible?? Funnily enough, I wrote this pre-election, but I feel like we could all use a morale boost…
Next week’s post will be a gift guide preamble (followed by my own Very Madz gift guide). This is my Olympics… stay tuned!!
I can so relate to that dread on days when I wake up simply feeling heavy and unmotivated. For me, I have to override the temptation to stay in bed, or worse, pick up my phone and ‘just peek’ at messages, email, or new Substack posts. If I go down that hole, an hour can go by before I know it and then I feel even worse! Moving is the best motivation if I can just get up and out for a brisk or even leisurely walk or a swim. Any movement is like a magic reset that opens up a whole new world of feeling energized and excited about tackling the day's tasks. Germans are all about ‘frische Luft’—fresh air. Nothing like oxygenating the brain!
Getting out of the ‘sludge’ as you named it can be challenging. Sometimes accountability can help, but I get that being alone and being able to get ourselves moving of our own accord is ultimately a necessary life skill. Nike’s motto ‘Just do it’ is not for nothing! Rewards are not bad, your favorite drink or walk to the bookstore are great choices! Dreaming about the future with apartment hunting can also be uplifting, though the heartbreak is real until you actually find what you are looking for, ideally in this lifetime.
On the writer front, hey, you are writing so you are a writer. It’s that simple. That said, I am aware of that tension between writing and feeling like a writer. The saying ‘Fake it til you make it’ comes to mind. Some words can be hugely hierarchical like distinguishing between being a writer (someone who writes) and an author (indicating you have actually published something, though in the world of electronic media, everyone has become a published author), and then you can go on from there with genres.
As a published author, I had to decide recently after writing a bunch of poetry whether to also call myself a poet. All that baggage around not having actually studied poetry came to mind that made me feel like an imposter. And yet I published a book without formally studying writing or getting an MFA. In short, you get to declare your trade if you decide to answer that annoying question, ‘What do you do?’ with a literal answer that evokes recognized worthy activity.
The overall wisdom of your post, that the day was not so bad after all, shines through beautifully and is a reminder to us all to find a way to ease into the moment, however it may feel, and you might just land in a better place. In my darkest moments, whether it’s how I’m feeling or the state of the world, I always remind myself, ‘This too shall pass.’ After all, there is nothing more constant than change.
Thanks for the laughs!!! Poles for walking started it for me maybe its just the vision of it. lmao :)