chapter 11: comfort vs. novelty

is familiarity that bad?

Something I really like about myself: my knack for making any place feel like home. I have a low barrier to entry for when places start to feel familiar - likely because of my ability to get lost anywhere. Even in my childhood neighborhood, where I lived for 20+ years, one wrong turn can sometimes lead me to consult Apple Maps (this is an anti-Google Maps household and I won’t apologize for it).

I get my horrible spatial abilities from my father, who got lost every week making the same drive from Chicago to Green Bay (where he worked for AT LEAST 3 years). So even though I lived in the same 5 block stretch for over 20 years, I still find myself supremely disoriented as soon as I get more than a block or two from home.

And so, to me, “familiarity” feels a lot like disorientation.

I walk by this view 3x a week, but it looks insane every time

I thought I would feel overwhelmed when I came to New York. And I am. But luckily, I’m overwhelmed no matter where I go. I’m disoriented everywhere. My room and space exists in perpetual chaos - whether I’m trying to contain my belongings at a middle school sleepover or unpacking my entire life into a 12’x11’ box (legally it’s not a room).

And so familiarity follows me wherever I go. Or rather, I follow me wherever I go.

bedside chaos

It’s often said that comfort isn’t good. Instead, it’s good to get outside of your comfort zone. It’s good to do novel things. It’s good to push yourself. That’s how you grow.

This time of year, everyone seems to be gearing up for “a new self.” I used to participate in the fervent planning and organizing that overcomes much of modern society around New Years. Looking at my past journals, you’d be dismayed to see that the obsessive planning is actually a year-round activity. Year after year, I carefully catalogued what I imagined would be my future life. Minute by minute, listing activities for every hour as if I knew what I would be doing, eating, or feeling months in the future. Based on the continual failure of these plans, it’s not hard to see that such strictly regimented routines are simply not for me.

this tweet sums it up

And for me, routine takes the joy out of things. It makes it hard to be present - always rushing to meet a self-imposed schedule and proceed to the next task. I find it really hard to balance on the precipice of this: having things to do, but wanting to enjoy my day without arbitrary constraints. Because when I do successfully implement a routine, I find it doesn’t really change much. If anything, being overly scheduled makes me more stressed - hyperaware of the various impending activities.

I’ve always found it endlessly confusing to balance routine with the pleasure of spontaneity and the necessity of having unique experiences. Despite being somewhat of a control freak, I’m also a recovering people pleaser who is bad at time management. And so, my only successful attempts at “structure” revolve around externally imposed schedules: going to trivia every Wednesday, showing up at Equinox for yoga, walking dogs at preordained times, trekking to Park Slope for pottery classes.

every Monday afternoon!

It’s not a perfect system, but it feels like a good way to live. Scheduled and comfortable but room for spontaneity (or planned spontaneity). After all, one of the best parts of New York is how you can leave in the morning with a tote bag and a loose plan, and return home at 11pm with a bunch of blisters and (usually) several new books.

It’s hard finding balance. With familiarity, comfort, novelty, excitement, routine; with anything. But I finally feel like I’m understanding what works best for me - how I can operate without drowning in possibility or in to-do lists. It’s a good feeling, for sure.

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10 things I liked this month

soft recommendations

1. I am back in my frozen mango era. It is a perfect snack. The key is finding the right brand, and letting it defrost a little bit (but not too much!! you want it creamy)

2. Nobody Will Tell You This But Me broke my heart… I was literally crying on the airplane in the middle seat between a Cool Fashion Guy and a knitting grandma. I don’t know if the book warranted so many tears, but it is phenomenal. Heartwarming book written from the POV of the author’s late grandmother. So touching and genuine - I love sweet human connection!!

3. Lost my Outback Steakhouse virginity and tried the infamous Bloomin’ Onion… it is outrageous and basically a tear-n-share onion ring. Genius

   

   human technology at its peak

4. “The Menu” is definitely the most intriguing movie I’ve seen in a LONG time. Josh and I could not stop talking about it!! It’s a dark satire of Chef’s Table, and Anya Taylor-Joy is flawless. So good.

5. This taco recipe proved, once again, that mushrooms are the perfect food.

6. Samantha Irby is one of my favorite authors, and she always has the best recommendations for other things to read/watch/consume. So obviously, her end-of-year recommendations are a must.

7. Having a very good time bird watching, of all things?

   

   I don’t know his name! But we were so close!!

8. I’ve read 41 books this year, and I think The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo will be the last one I finish before 2023. It’s a historical fiction about an aging Hollywood starlet doing a tell-all of her life, and it’s so great. It reminds me of City of Girls, which is one of my favorite books ever!!

9. I don’t know if it’s clear from the above, but I am NOT a resolution girl. I may be setting an “intention” instead, but I might be past that, too.

10. Finally, I am here to endorse an end-of-year lump day. I used mine to watch most of the 3rd season of Love is Blind.

Until next year (??!!!!)
Madeleine